Stand to see them Suffer

A student of mine, a mother of two children, recently told me:

“I can’t stand to see my children suffer, that is how I know I love them.”

And because I loved my student, and because it’s my job to love through the expression of truth, I had to let her know:

“Actually, that is the very thing barring you from REALLY loving your children.”

Tears welled in her eyes. She was devastated by my response. I watched as she suffered. She was suffering from her resistance to my response and to her resistance to the truth that she was not loving but “pushing” or “pulling” at her children.

She sat silently as tears rolled down her cheeks. She has been my student long enough to not merely - as many students do when you get near their “no touch” issues - push back and storm out of the room.

She trusted me enough to sit with my words and seek the truth of them. It was not easy. She suffered. And I loved her enough to hold her in an open space of acceptance while she did so.

I then went on to clarify:

“For instance, think of how inhibiting it would be if when a child is learning to walk if we would never let them fall because we didn’t like to see them fail or suffer. Falling is how they learn to balance. Balance is how they learn to walk. No falling, no walking. So, in fact standing to see them suffer is sometimes the only act of love available to a parent, and if we are unable to do so when necessary, we are then unable to truly love.”

She gazed up at me and that moment arrived that every guru waits for… It hit her. She got it. Suffering leads to learning – to wisdom. She got my lesson. The tears dried, and she smiled at me.

“I get it, I see what you mean.” She finally said through the tears.

And I loved her enough to let her suffer until she gained that insight.

Now, she can pass it along to her children by loving them and not controlling them.