Conscious and Unconscious Attachments

An attachment arises when we mentally push (often referred to as “resisting”) or pull (often referred to as “desiring” or “wanting”) upon a perceived object in relative space. The object can be a thing, person, idea, our story of me, our identity, an experience, belief, goal, fear, etc. These mental strategies are how the mind attempts to control outcomes (often by saying “Please let this happen – or not happen!”) and if the ego is grand enough demands that reality itself should change (often by saying “This should not be!”)

Attachment is the opposite of liberation. Liberation is when we cease to push and pull at perceived reality. When we accept it as it is with our whole hearts and let it be.

Many people when they hear this decide that to achieve liberation they need to sit in a cave and stare at a wall. But, there is a way to be attached in reality and stay free. We do this by being conscious of our attachments and applying the same liberation techniques to our attachments. We accept them and their consequences with our whole hearts as they are.

Pushing and pulling at reality generates what is called “karma.” These are ripples of effects that move out in all directions from the pushing and pulling. All pushing and pulling generates karma. Even our unconscious bodily functions generate karma. Breath generates karma. Eating generates karma, etc. To have a form is to generate karma. Some of this karma while alive is unavoidable, and demands conscious attachment to minimize its effect on our freedom by limiting excessive and unneeded karma. We watch our karma as we eat, breathe, consume, excrete, etc. This is the minimum karmic price we pay for having a body. And we are responsible for ALL of it. Without that responsibility, we are unconscious and generating karma without our conscious knowledge. We are still responsible for that unconscious karma, we generate it, it comes back to us and we are responsible for it.

If we choose to remain unconscious about something, anything, because we “are satisfied with who we are” then we can not complain when the consequences of that behavior return and cause us suffering. If we remain unconscious, we pay the price. It is the direct price of our choice to remain unconscious. It is our suffering and we must endure it. There is no way out.

“But, I’m a good person!” I hear people say. Your judgment is irrelevant. You have decided what is good and bad, the Goddess has her own values, and your values are of no consequence.

Let me make this very clear. When your values and God’s values are at odds, The Goddess’ values win. Period.

The mind spends a LOT of time and energy attempting to “defeat God” and win this battle. All that energy is wasted and causes suffering for yourself and those around you. There are no exceptions. Seeing the futility of this leads to liberation and ends a lot of unneeded suffering.

“But I have a spiritual practice!” There are no exceptions.

“But I voted for the nicest candidate and I advocate for kind politics!” There are no exceptions.

“But I am a vegetarian and I don’t kill animals when I eat!” There are no exceptions.

“But I am part of a social minority that has endured injustices!” There are no exceptions.

If your values and God’s values are not aligned, you lose, and no one gets a free pass.

Unconsciousness is the root cause of almost all suffering. If you choose to stay unconscious, you agree blindly to the consequences for you and your loved ones.

Unconscious attachment is blind karma sent into the universe waiting for its return.

It’s like ordering from a menu with no prices. Eat up, but when the bill comes, it is yours.

What is the opposite of this?

Consciousness, becoming aware of our actions and their consequences, to the best of our ability. And this takes courage and earnestness.

Courage is needed because no one can follow every tendril, every ripple of karma. We ALL generate karma blindly to one degree or another. The idea is to generate as little unconscious karma as possible. Then, with courage, bravely walk that path and accept the outcomes.

The earnestness is needed because if we are not brutally honest with ourselves, we will miss details that will give us the best opportunity to see the truth. And that truth is the path to our freedom, peace, love, and joy, in short, “The truth shall set you free.”

So, what is the practice of conscious attachment?

The first step is to find our attachments.

This is a lifelong process. Even the most liberated spiritual masters have attachments hiding in the deep dark recesses of their body/mind.

Ram Dass expressed this truth when he said “If you think you are enlightened, go spend some time with your family...”

Nisargadatta Maharaj refers to them as “hooks” a kind of mental hook that bits of reality get caught on and force our responses. He suggests when such a hook is found, that we straighten it so nothing gets caught on it in the future.

Adyashanti talks of “salivating” when he sees an unconscious attachment, because now he can dive in and get rid of it and have even MORE freedom.

But none of these spiritual masters live in caves!

Ram Dass lived a full relative life and experimented with hallucinogenic drugs.

Nisargadatta smoked cigarettes and was impatient with beginner-like questions.

Adyashanti has a wife and can also at times be frustrated by unconscious questioners.

These spiritual masters lived (or still live) full lives and retained their freedom by having conscious rather than unconscious attachments.

How do we find our attachments? We look for ALL the ways that we push and pull against reality with our minds. Everything we find in this process is an attachment. We can often find these by merely listening for any time our mind uses the term “should or shouldn’t.” These words will usually lead us directly to our mental attachments.

We follow the principle of conscious attachment by following these simple principles:

After taking inventory and finding our attachments we look earnestly at the karma those attachments generate. And then we ask ourselves if we are willing to “pay the price” of that karma and then we earnestly and courageously pay that price.

IF we keep an attachment intact I suggest the following guidelines:

1. We agree to generate karma from this attachment and take full responsibility of that karma.

2. We decide if the price we pay is worth that attachment.

It is really that simple.

So, often, with a student who is grieving the loss of someone or thing, I walk them through this process in reverse (as they are often unconscious when they are coming to me with the grief.)

I ask “Was the attachment to this person (or object) worth this pain of grief?”

There is usually a pause as they weigh the answer.

If they say “yes” I say “then grieve their loss, but don’t forget that your love of them can not be destroyed by grief, it is your gift regardless of whether they are present or not.”

If they say “no” I say “Then you might want to look at your life and see what other kinds of similar unconscious attachments are lying around that you won’t want to pay this price for in the future.”

So what is the difference between unconscious and conscious attachment?

Usually, the difference is the amount of suffering that we feel in resistance to the karma that returns in a painful way.

When the attachment is unconscious the painful karmic return can often feel like some kind of “unfair punishment” and the suffering from this can become unbearable if allowed to accumulate.

When it is conscious we can also have painful repercussions as the karma returns, but we don’t feel so “picked upon” by the universe. It feels “less personal” and lighter. If we can remain conscious as it returns we accept responsibility and there is NO feeling of persecution. It is a price we are willing to pay for the attachment we generated.

When unconscious we flail at God and often violently push and pull at the karma as it collides with us and we suffer to the exact degree and severity of that pushing and pulling.

When conscious, we remain free and push and pull much less at the returning karma and so suffer much less.

And that degree of space we have gained from the inevitable karmic pain is the gift of our liberated and conscious action.

“Suffering arises from trying to control the uncontrollable” - Epictetus