We Have to Earn Their Trust

When we begin “Core Work” many of us believe we are opening up some old crates that we have left dusty and unopened in some mental or emotional attic somewhere. We believe we will open those crates and rummage around smiling as we lift mementos up for inspection - memories of halcyon days gone by where we ran and jumped and played with friends. The LAST thing we expect to find is exactly what is in those crates. The last thing we expect to find in there is a crying and angry child.

“Angry? But angry at who? I know I have some resentment toward my father and mother that I’ve been looking at with my therapist, but who is this child angry with?” we ask the teacher and we are often shocked when the teacher replies:

"The child is angry with you."

“But, why me? Why on earth would my inner child be angry with me?”

"Who locked them in that crate and threw away the key?"

“But my father was strict, and my mother was judgmental, and…”

"Who left them in the darkness to cry alone?"

“But…”

"Do you blame them?" he asks finally, and we have no reply.

You see they remember that Dad was this way and Mom was that way. They WERE THERE. They also remember when we hid them away because we were tired of them getting hurt all the time.

At first, this could be seen as protective. After a while, it is seen as it is. We were ashamed at how vulnerable our inner children were and didn’t want them around as a liability. We were going to “grow up” so that our hearts would not be constantly stomped on. And how did we do that? We locked those children away and threw away the key.

But what do children possess other than vulnerability?

What did we actually throw away?

Children have full access to wonder.

Children have full access to connectedness.

Children are open and sensitive.

Children know how to play.

Children know the difference between playing a role and BEING the role.

Children have no need for intellectual certainty and are open to newness.

Children see all other children as potential playmates.

So we may have locked them away because children are indeed vulnerable, but what else did we lose?

And they know who is to blame.

So, why should they trust us now?

We have to let them heal. We have to listen to their pain. We have to earn their trust by telling them we won’t sell them out anymore. They need to know we will no longer place them in uncomfortable situations with predatory people. And they definitely need to know that we will not EVER lock them away again in the darkness alone and discarded.

And they won’t trust us at first. They know our track record.

We have to earn that trust.